Edits for Tracker's Tales of Drysdale House (16) Pulled Back In (3)
Dear Tracker, first I am in awe at your writing skills. I have many talents, but that is not one of them. I hope these humble edits from an American Builder can help in some way. Feel free to search and replace as you see fit. - Kal Skirata
I grew up in a country town in the Central Valley, the looked like blacksmith tools.
I grew up in a country town in the Central Valley, they looked like blacksmith tools.
Once the top of her thigh was secure in did the same with her lower part of the thigh
Once the top of her thigh was secure he did the same with her lower part of the thigh
It seemed this ceremony was something he had seen before as well.
It seemed this ceremony was something he had seen before as well. There are two spaces between these words, Tracker.
Her hair was tangles and loose,
Her hair was in tangles and loose,
or Her hair was tangled and loose,
She Helen in the hands of the Greeks,
She was Helen in the hands of the Greeks,
what happens to them, the women they become is revokable. That for them there is no way back
what happens to them, the women they become is irrevokable. That for them there is no way back
I hope I can trust you not to breath a word of this yet,
I hope I can trust you not to breathe a word of this yet,
If they are collared and regulated, and yes, marked, so they cannot not deny what they are
If they are collared and regulated, and yes, marked, so they cannot deny what they are
Straight ahead was a thick wooden door. The collared girl padded towards in her bare feet
Straight ahead was a thick wooden door. The collared girl padded foward in her bare feet
Straight ahead was a thick wooden door. The collared girl padded towards it in her bare feet
her business would have been cleared exposed to the men’s gaze.
her business would have been clearly exposed to the men’s gaze.
you do at all on an prospective candidate
you do at all on a prospective candidate
While I assured Mr Masters that I had ever intention of being a diligent and hard working team member
While I assured Mr Masters that I had every intention of being a diligent and hard working team member
Second, I could go the papers
Second, I could go to the papers
Every dollar of the #250.00
Every dollar of the $250.00
might indicate that they, whoever they were, was outside in my apartment, waiting.
might indicate that they, whoever they were, were outside in my apartment, waiting.
but I reasoned that perhaps being able to surreptitiously entering apartments
but I reasoned that perhaps being able to surreptitiously enter apartments
I grew up in a country town in the Central Valley, the looked like blacksmith tools.
I grew up in a country town in the Central Valley, they looked like blacksmith tools.
Once the top of her thigh was secure in did the same with her lower part of the thigh
Once the top of her thigh was secure he did the same with her lower part of the thigh
It seemed this ceremony was something he had seen before as well.
It seemed this ceremony was something he had seen before as well. There are two spaces between these words, Tracker.
Her hair was tangles and loose,
Her hair was in tangles and loose,
or Her hair was tangled and loose,
She Helen in the hands of the Greeks,
She was Helen in the hands of the Greeks,
what happens to them, the women they become is revokable. That for them there is no way back
what happens to them, the women they become is irrevokable. That for them there is no way back
I hope I can trust you not to breath a word of this yet,
I hope I can trust you not to breathe a word of this yet,
If they are collared and regulated, and yes, marked, so they cannot not deny what they are
If they are collared and regulated, and yes, marked, so they cannot deny what they are
Straight ahead was a thick wooden door. The collared girl padded towards in her bare feet
Straight ahead was a thick wooden door. The collared girl padded foward in her bare feet
Straight ahead was a thick wooden door. The collared girl padded towards it in her bare feet
her business would have been cleared exposed to the men’s gaze.
her business would have been clearly exposed to the men’s gaze.
you do at all on an prospective candidate
you do at all on a prospective candidate
While I assured Mr Masters that I had ever intention of being a diligent and hard working team member
While I assured Mr Masters that I had every intention of being a diligent and hard working team member
Second, I could go the papers
Second, I could go to the papers
Every dollar of the #250.00
Every dollar of the $250.00
might indicate that they, whoever they were, was outside in my apartment, waiting.
might indicate that they, whoever they were, were outside in my apartment, waiting.
but I reasoned that perhaps being able to surreptitiously entering apartments
but I reasoned that perhaps being able to surreptitiously enter apartments
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